The Comparison Trap by Doug Grady, Author, Speaker, and Coach

The comparison trap. Are you stuck? Do you find yourself looking at others and wondering why you can’t earn as much money or have as important career? Do you wonder why your neighbor’s children always are better behaved than your own? Or maybe you are looking in the mirror and wondering where your 30-year old body is?

There are three ways the comparison trap robs us of our joy and hinders our personal or professional progress:

Inferiority complex
Superiority complex
Self-worth complex

The first way that we tend to compare ourselves is by looking at and analyzing people that we feel are “superior” to us. We place a value on characteristics in a person of power or influence. We then compare ourselves and feel less than because we don’t share that specific trait, achievement, or result.

Logically you know there’s always someone faster, someone stronger, someone better looking, someone leaner, someone younger, someone smarter, someone richer, someone…You Fill in the Blank. When we compare ourselves to people that we feel are somehow superior to us, we naturally tend to feel inferior and worth less than them by contrast. There are two primary results to looking at another as better than us. 1) We change our beliefs and values to strive to be like that person, or 2) we don’t even bother because the goal is so unattainable. Both results can take us away from the person we are meant to be.

The second trap is comparing ourselves to those individuals that we feel “superior” to or above in status. We’re the faster one, we’re stronger, we’re better looking, we have more money, and the list goes on. This comparison can make us feel a false sense of pride, pompous or arrogant and just outright superior or better than someone. The obvious danger here is that we risk alienating ourselves to others. A more subtle, yet equally damaging, outcome is that when we place ourselves above others, we feel too important to mentor or help others grow

And then there’s a third comparison trap that’s a little bit sneakier. This is comparing our “now” selves to ourselves at our “best.” We tell ourselves, “I used to be stronger, I used to be faster, I used to have more money, I used to be leaner I used to be BETTER…” This trap may be the most self defeating. Not being confident and comfortable with who we are NOW can be demoralizing.

All three unhealthy comparisons keep us stuck, keep us trapped and tend to minimize our motivation for moving forward.

So is there a way to stay out of the comparison trap and use comparison in a way that’s healthy, encouraging and motivating for me personally?

Glad you asked. Yes.

Designate a period of time in which you are absolutely committed to making a change. For example, in our 40 Days programs you have a beginning an end. There is a definitive time frame to commit yourself to a change. Through self evaluation you make simple, positive, powerful choices. As you put in the work, you can compare yourself on Day 10 to who you were at the beginning of the program, on Day 20 to who you were on days 13 & 14 and then on Day 40 you can look at the big picture and see substantial progress. Rinse and repeat as often as desired.

Through this process you can tangibly record what is different about YOU, how you are stronger or faster, or how you interrelate with people close to you; how much more present you are to peace, love, joy, and fulfillment. You can see how you compare from day zero all the way to 40. This is the way to use comparison in a way that’s encouraging, in a way that’s healthy, and in a way that’s motivating.

Comparison can be used in a way that’s helpful, put you have to stay out of the comparison traps: comparing yourselves to others and comparing yourselves to who you were at your “best.” Choose simple, specific disciplines right now and compare yourself to yourself at the completion of 40 days.

The video below is an excerpt from Day 36 of 40 Days of FITNESS. Join us?